Beating Anxiety Through Online Learning

Hi, my name is Ameerul Fikri Afandi, and I’m 28.  Born in Klang, Selangor, I have resided in Putrajaya since 10. My father is a government officer while my mother is a housewife. Due to my father’s job, I moved and changed schools frequently during my school years.

I started having difficulty attending school when I was 13. I would feel completely terrified and anxious so I missed more school days than I did attend. My situation deteriorated further in 2012, my SPM year. I attended school for only 1 month.

My family and school advised me to seek medical attention so I went to a government clinic nearby. I was later diagnosed with anxiety disorder or more precisely, social anxiety disorder.

I had no idea what that meant as mental health awareness was not widespread at the time and people with mental illnesses were thought to be insane. But till today, a psychiatrist at Hospital Putrajaya has been treating me for this condition.

My school principal allowed me to stay at home but said I could go to school if I felt well enough. So, I studied on my own with the help of an intern school teacher who taught me maths. I passed my SPM with an acceptable score (2A-,3B+, 2B, 1C+) and was offered a diploma course at a college in 2013.

I attended college for only a semester due to my disorder. Because of my determination to learn, I tried again the following year at a local university in Kuala Lumpur. The same thing happened, so I attended for only a week.

I became extremely depressed, upset and fed up with myself. My late grandmother told me not to give up. She suggested that if I couldn’t attend a full-time programme, why not try a university that offered part-time studies. I didn’t know about part-time studies back then because I thought university was a full-time commitment.

Then in 2016, I was having breakfast with my family at Seksyen 7 Bangi when I came across the OUM Bangi Learning Centre, which was having an open day. I went and found out it offered part-time studies, particularly for adults.

I had doubts as I had already dropped out of higher education twice due to my mental condition. Nevertheless, I signed up for the Diploma in Islamic Studies with Education (DISE) programme.

Face-to-face classes were held three times per semester until Covid-19 struck in 2020. I was able to attend all the classes without problem. However, the practicum, which required me to teach a large group of students, was a huge challenge.

I had a panic attack on the first day of my practicum. After vomiting in the school toilet, I left for home. Assoc Prof Dr Khairul Hamimah Mohammad Jodi, the Programme Coordinator for DISE, thoughtfully provided me with an alternative for the practicum and assisted me until I completed my studies with a 3.51 CGPA in 2019. Motivated to continue learning, I enrolled in the Bachelor of Business Administration (BBA) programme that same year.

During my BBA studies, I was introduced to online learning, which is OUM’s primary learning method today. It greatly aided my studies. Classes are recorded, so I could re-watch my classes multiple times. This helped me to refresh my memory and revise before taking the final exams. It was so good that I made the dean’s list 7 times!

Online learning is very helpful for social interaction. A socially anxious person like me is usually quiet and awkward around people. When we had face-to-face classes, I was too shy to ask lecturers questions or make a presentation. In contrast, the online video conferencing learning method made me proactive. I became quite talkative, asking the lecturers a lot of questions and doing presentations.

In my experience, OUM lecturers are extremely helpful and knowledgeable when it comes to answering questions. In addition, the digital library gave me academic journals for my assignments and lots of books to read in my spare time.

I did face more challenges. I had great difficulty completing my assignments for 2 semesters when I got infected with Covid-19 twice. Nevertheless, I completed my degree with a 3.90 CGPA and graduated at the 27th Convocation last October.

If you have anxiety, don’t give up on education! You have to believe in yourself and your abilities. Help is always available – talk to a psychiatrist or counsellor, and always think positively and challenge your negative thoughts.

I want to end with thanks to OUM staff and academics, notably Dr Khairul Hamimah, for their great support. I never thought I’d get a degree. Studying at OUM has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.